BC Doesn’t Only Mean Breeders’ Cup Now

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35 on Friday, March 5, 2021. This will be an important date for the rest of my life. 

But before we get there, let’s back-up a little. 

2020 didn’t go the way anyone could have predicted. I had started the year off looking forward to my upcoming trip to England with a friend to go to Royal Ascot, Bath, Newmarket, and do lots of things in London. The whole trip started because we were going to Royal Ascot. 

Royal Ascot is one of the “fanciest” horse racing events in the World and has a history that dates back to 1807. Ascot, the race track, dates back to the mid-1700’s. The “Royal” part of the name comes from the fact that the Royals attend the races (it’s on the “social calendar” for the year). The Queen is in attendance (comes in by Royal Procession) everyday of the meet and brings various guests. Each day of the 5-day meet has different races and different significance. We had decided to go on day 1 because it was considered the most “formal” of the days. It’s usually the day the “young” Royals end up attending with the Queen since it’s opening day. To say I was excited is an understatement. I got to see The Queen and be apart of one of the best race meets in the World. Bucket list item checked!

Unfortunately, Covid lockdowns started and that squashed that idea. I moved everything to 2021 in the hopes things would improve by then, but that would not happen either. A year later, I simply hope I can attend ANY horse racing in person! Breeders’ Cup (BC) in November at Del Mar, please, oh please, World, let it be so! But 2022 is the new date for Royal Ascot at least. 

Thankfully, I am in the position of being able to work from home. I’m endlessly thankful that I have a job that allows me to do that. Despite being able to work from home, work wasn’t always without stress given Covid cases would arise and I was part of the team that looked into the cases, passed out paperwork, kept up with the changing laws, etc, but I like my job, boss, and team and we got through it all!

The one shining spot for 2020 was Authentic, my Kentucky Derby winning horse. By now, it’s probably not a surprise that I am a horse racing fan. I have been since 2002 and War Emblem who tried to win the Triple Crown. My interest in it goes up and down in cycles, but I got into micro-share ownership in the summer of 2019. Who would have thought I’d have the ride of a lifetime with Authentic in 2020 - a year I couldn’t travel! As frustrating as it was to not be able to watch Authentic in person, I’ll be forever grateful for the opportunity to own a few hairs of his tail during the ride from Haskell Invitational win to Kentucky Derby win to crazy loss by a head in the Preakness by an eye popping performance by a filly to the magnificent win in the Breeders’ Cup (BC) Classic. Authentic had made 2020 much, much better for me.

By the time the BC comes around in early November, it’s the end of the year practically. It’s a few weeks away from Thanksgiving and a few weeks away from my birthday, Christmas, and the New Year. What can go wrong in the last 7 weeks of the year? 

Apparently a lot. I should know this by now. 

By mid-December, I got the unfortunate news that my housemate had Covid-19. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and, honestly, don’t interact with my housemate that much. Chris interacts with him more than I do because they game together. In all the years he’s lived with us, I have NEVER been sick because of him. No germ sharing, thank you very much. Unfortunately, C19 was not as nice and I got sick (Chris avoided symptoms altogether - phew!). I think my body fought it for a good week before it gave in, but in the early days of being “not symptomatic, but not 100%” I felt a lump in my left breast. I actually noticed it because it hurt. It felt small and felt like it was in the area of my lymph nodes. Given the fact I was 70% sure I had Covid already by then, I figured it was my body doing its thing and that’s why it hurt. About a week after, I became symptomatic and spent 10 days not enjoying life AT ALL. I got to enjoy the holidays with C19 (12/23-1/2). 

The funny thing about this time frame is I seem to get sick around this time. I had the epic nosebleed of the year over New Year’s. I had pneumonia over New Year’s. If I get a cold, it usually happens in early January. I get C19 over New Year’s. See? Trend for me. 

I got over C19 in a pretty typical fashion (4 weeks from start to finish before I felt “normal” again). Around this time is when I realized the lump felt “big.” It’s hard to truly say if it grew that much when I had C19 because depending on how I lay, the size feels different, but I think it did to some extent. I luckily already had a doctor’s appointment scheduled in February for bloodwork and annual check-up, but I was still 100% convinced it was an enlarged lymph node. I just had C19 for goodness sake!

When I had my doctor’s appointment, my bloodwork was okay, but she wanted to send me to a mammography right away for the lump. The growth rate and the C19 could be favorable factors, but no way to tell till I got it scanned. 

The mammography I was sent to was really nice. The most awkward part of the whole situation is I was clearly the youngest patient by at least 10 years if not more. The mammograms and ultrasounds were my first visit and those were easy enough. I did have to go three times to get more mammogram images. That was always fun. As soon as the ultrasound was completed, I saw the radiologist and he immediately said he wanted to do biopsies of three locations: lump, axillary (arm pit) lymph node, and micro calcification cluster. The lump wasn’t a surprise, the other 2 were surprises. I was going to have the lump and lymph node ultrasound needle core biopsied and the micro calcification cluster was going to be stereotactic needle core biopsied.  I also asked if 1) the lump was a lymph node (was told definitely not) and 2) if the lymph node in my armpit as due to Covid (was told very skeptically “it could”). The micro calcification cluster I didn’t even understand in terms of something that was an indicator of breast cancer. 

I was scheduled for an appointment the following week on a Friday, but, by the time I got home, my appointment was moved up to Tuesday. No idea if it was a cancellation or the importance of my biopsy was a factor. 

You hear this a lot: Don’t Google your symptoms. 

I didn’t have symptoms, per se, to Google, but I had the radiologist notes. I found out my lump was 2.8 cm x 1.5 cm x 1.5 cm. My lymph node cortical thickness was 9 mm and I had a 4 mm micro calcification cluster. The unfortunate thing I got to read was my BI-RADS (Breast Imaging, Reporting & Data System) score was a 5. 

BI-RADS Assessment Categories:

• 0: Incomplete
• 1: Negative
• 2: Benign
• 3: Probably benign
• 4: Suspicious
• 5: Highly suggestive of malignancy
• 6: Known biopsy – proven malignancy

I learned a spherical lump and “squish” were good indicators of a cyst. Mine was oblong and deemed “firm to touch” by the radiologist. Micro calcifications are normal in breast tissue, but the “cluster” is what was the bad thing in my case. Of course, lymph nodes being swollen isn’t good either and is the first spot breast cancer will travel to if it leaves breast tissue. I had a fun trifecta going. 

The biopsies went as well as you’d expect. The stereotactic one is a crazy table I lay on, breast hangs down, I get raised up, and then a VERY precise machine is used to find and guide the needle for the biopsy as the doctor works below me. Apparently the doctor was on a roll because he got it on the first go. The technician made a comment that was good so I didn’t have more holes. That’s nice. Haha It was also the one that everyone thought would take the longest. It was really quick. The ultrasound biopsies I got to watch because of the way I was angled while the doctor took the samples. It’s definitely cringe worthy as you can see AND hear the clamp grabbing tissue and then the “rattle” noise as he’s trying to get the tissue sample off the probe into the jar. There were 3 samples for the lump and the lymph node each. Yup. Cringes. It was interesting to watch, though. The doctor, at the time, said it looked like it could be a fibrous cyst, but he was also looking at the perfectly round end. 

I got home sore and have been sore since. The lack of being able to do anything strenuous for a few days meant I couldn’t use my rower (I was on month streak...blah). The lump incision spot happens to sit right on the seam of any bra so it’s taken the longest to heal. The others are doing well and the soreness goes away each day. 

I think the hardest part about the biopsies was the wait. The doctor told me it would be 3-5 days before they had results. This meant Friday, March 5 would be the earliest I’d know. I definitely didn’t want to go the weekend not knowing, but it was a definite possibility. I basically spent 2 days window shopping online. I had puzzles to do, art projects, TV to watch, books to read, but nothing interested me. I was both tired (hadn’t slept well the days before the biopsy) and lacked the motivation to do anything. Window shopping helped a lot. I didn’t buy anything (yay me!), but it was nice to make and strategize shopping carts for things I wanted. 

I got the call in the morning on Friday that my results were in and they wanted me to come in for my results. Before the biopsies, I was told that I would be called in for my results whether negative or positive so I was already prepared to go anyway. Chris was not thrilled by this fact thinking it was better to give someone news at home, especially if they were alone and perhaps had to drive home. At any rate, off to the clinic we went together. 

Chris sat in the car (we weren’t sure if he could come in given Covid). I sat and waited and when finally was taken in, they asked if I had anyone with me and if I wanted to go get him. That immediately made me suspicious, but I told them he was in the car and fine. 

Doctor came in and immediately told me the lump and the lymph node were cancerous. The micro calcification cluster results were not in, yet. The receptor tests were also not done. However, they explained they didn’t want to wait on those tests because it didn’t change my diagnosis. It only changed my treatment. They wanted to get me going ASAP. 

The nice thing about the process is they had already talked to my primary care physician (PCP) and had scheduled most of my appointments. I have a lot of consultations because I may or may not need everything, but they’re scheduled so I can know what I may want/need. 

I was also offered to do a genetics test to see if I had any of the genetic markers for cancer. Given I’m adopted, I don’t know medical history so I was 100% for this anyway. Also, “given my age,” this would further inform on my future cancer management and could possibly affect my treatment. Given how “young” I am with my diagnosis, it’s highly likely I have a genetic marker for cancer. That test result comes back in about 2 weeks. 

My first step in all this process is to go in for a MRI. This will be kind of the “make it or break it” point on what my surgery will look like (other than perhaps what the genetic markers show). If the cancer is only in the lump and lymph node, I could possibly just have a lumpectomy. If the cancer has travelled to the right breast (nothing abnormal was found during the mammogram so fingers crossed), I’m likely looking at a mastectomy of some kind. They’ll also look at my lymph nodes in both arm pits. If anything else is found on my MRI, it’ll be biopsies for everything. The MRI marks good and bad cells so they can’t tell without a biopsy. I’m so overjoyed by this thought...Really hoping nothing comes up! Depending on my need for more biopsies, this could push back my meeting with the surgeon. After the surgeon, I meet with radiation oncology, oncologist, and plastic surgeon. Fun times. When I meet with the surgeon, I very likely will be scheduling my surgery during that meeting. 

After having had some time to process everything, I did a little statistic research on breast cancer for people under 40. The one thing I noted in talking with the doctor about my diagnosis were the phrases “given your age” or “how young you are.” Never in my life have I not enjoyed my age being mentioned so much. 

For those that don’t know (and even I wasn’t quite sure), 40 is when women are given the opportunity to do a mammogram. 45 is when it’s more-or-less “required” as part of of your preventative care. About 13% of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. The median age for being diagnosed is 62. SIXTY-TWO. I’m almost half the age of the median age for being diagnosed. Statistically, of all breast cancer diagnoses, about 4-6% are for women under the age of 40. What a fun statistical minority group to be in. Ethnicity wise, Asians are about in the middle, but not that far behind the top 2 of White and African-American. 

Probably the scariest thing I learned is that breast cancer in younger vs older women has been found to not be genetically the same. Scientists don’t know why they are different, but having breast cancer at an older age is much more treatable and survivability is much higher. The rates of successful treatment have also increased over the years for women who are older. For people under 40, mortality rates are higher compared to those over 40. After I read that, I decided my reading was finished. I don’t know enough right now about my type of cancer to be able to understand more so better to stop now.

So where does that leave me? Why the blog? 

I decided to join a few FB breast cancer groups, especially one for younger diagnosis. I was reading some posts and suddenly felt overwhelmed about all the possibilities my future is going to look like. Given my age (there’s that phrase!), I am very likely going to be “cancer worrying” for the rest of my life. Not to mention the possible removal of other organs to prevent further cancer chances. There’s a possibility I might have to do chemo and lose all my hair, which made me realize I might have SHORT HAIR for Royal Ascot next year. I might be on hormone suppressor meds the rest of my life or other meds that mess with my hormones and can have implications as I age. I’m also low-key worrying about the finances. I have insurance and thankful I have been paying for the insurance with the lower deductible, but who knows what else I may have to pay and I have money saved, but it’s supposed to be for FUN things. Blah. Guess we all know where my stimulus check is going...But then I also think I’m semi-thankful this is happening now during the “end” of Covid because I can’t go anywhere or do anything anyway. Chris and I both haven’t been financially hit during Covid so we have the means, but will just have to watch the pennies and I’ll look into any programs. Plus, I can work from home as much as I need to anyway (as the last year has proven I can do). I also have tons of sick and vacation time. 

But what really got me is the overwhelming amount of feelings and information rattling around in my head. Sure, I talk to Chris and Chris is doing an amazing job of checking in on me to make sure I’m doing okay and taking care of me, but pen to paper (or blog) has always helped me. In addition, I was sitting and found myself window shopping again with the TV on. My rabbits were running around me. My cat was somewhere. Chris was playing a video game with our housemate. I was feeling bummed because my horse, Tizamagician, came in 5th of 7 in a grade 1 race that was a disappointing effort, AND the stupid post office (once again) delivered my package I had been looking forward to for a week to the wrong apartment. No idea where the package is. It all became a lot and it was then I realized I wanted to blog. 

The blog will be about my journey (probably very drily haha), but mostly a spot to stick the information I’ve learned in one spot so I can simply get it out of my head. I also figure it’ll be a good spot to keep family and friends informed of more detail than just a quick text or update. As most people know, I don’t do well in sharing my deeper emotions and feelings. So, this’ll be the compromise. 

As of now, I’m not posting about my diagnosis via social media. I will one day, but not now. I don’t mind if anyone tells anyone by word of mouth, though. I may not share my deeper emotions/feelings, but I’ve also never been shy about sharing about myself so I don’t mind. I do ask that you are careful, if you do share with others, about this blog. I’m not exactly sure who you would share this with, but, for now, I’d like it to stay close family/friends. Of course, I trust the reader’s judgement on that. 

With that, as I learn all sorts of new acronyms on this journey, I realized as I was starting this blog that the word “cancer” for me is scary (it is for everyone), but the phrase “breast cancer” is far, far less scary. I then abbreviated it as “BC” in may head and immediately went, “Huh. Guess this means “BC” doesn’t only mean “Breeders’ Cup” now.”